This insight came to me shortly after returning from my pilgrimage to circumambulate Mt. Kailash in Tibet in August, 2014. This was an auspicious year to pilgrmiage to Mt. Kailash because it was the Year of the Horse. In Tibetan belief, going once around the mountain during the Year of the Horse would equate to twelve times and erasing multiple lifetimes of bad karma. This pilgrimage, as many are, is about life/death/rebirth.
As I returned home still filled with such great bliss and joy, I wondered what my life will now be like in this rebirth aspect. I saw through my meditations that I had still up to that point in my life, to a large degree, been operating from a child’s point of view in my decision making, discipline and emotional ranges. This is not to say that the adult within me didn’t come out when I really needed her, which she did often, but I was feeling that upon my return a lot of the other “stuff” or baggage had gone away and I was left with the really sticky, strong held beliefs within myself that I needed to address. And only an “adult” version of myself could handle this dismantlement.
I saw within myself a vision, an illustration of what my Soul was trying to communicate with me. I saw a child version of myself holding a key and standing in front of a jail cell with the adult me standing inside the cell. The child-me holds the key up and shows the adult me inside the cell the key. In the vision, I put my hands on the prison cell door and it opens. It was never locked. I had, for whatever reasons, needed or assumed that I had been locked away by my child-self. Yet, it was my own adult-self who had locked herself away and blaming the child.
The child-self me, was so tired of carrying the load for so long for the adult parts of myself. Yes, she carried the key. She kept it safe and visible until I as an adult woman could recognize what was going on. Better said, I “began” to see and appreciate what was going on. It is a learning process now to own my Adulthood.
In my vision, as I pushed open the unlocked jail cell door and stepping through the threshold to open my arms to my child-self and the key, I could hear and feel the swoosh of expansive air going through me. Like standing on an edge of a great expansive vista in Nature and feeling the freedom in every cell of my body and being.
I hope to begin offering what I have begun to learn for myself through these months after Tibet. The post-partum depression, growing pains and excitement of recognizing the wonder and awe the child-self within me shares and delights in my life,
To Life, rebirth, reinventing and reinvesting in it All!
As I returned home still filled with such great bliss and joy, I wondered what my life will now be like in this rebirth aspect. I saw through my meditations that I had still up to that point in my life, to a large degree, been operating from a child’s point of view in my decision making, discipline and emotional ranges. This is not to say that the adult within me didn’t come out when I really needed her, which she did often, but I was feeling that upon my return a lot of the other “stuff” or baggage had gone away and I was left with the really sticky, strong held beliefs within myself that I needed to address. And only an “adult” version of myself could handle this dismantlement.
I saw within myself a vision, an illustration of what my Soul was trying to communicate with me. I saw a child version of myself holding a key and standing in front of a jail cell with the adult me standing inside the cell. The child-me holds the key up and shows the adult me inside the cell the key. In the vision, I put my hands on the prison cell door and it opens. It was never locked. I had, for whatever reasons, needed or assumed that I had been locked away by my child-self. Yet, it was my own adult-self who had locked herself away and blaming the child.
The child-self me, was so tired of carrying the load for so long for the adult parts of myself. Yes, she carried the key. She kept it safe and visible until I as an adult woman could recognize what was going on. Better said, I “began” to see and appreciate what was going on. It is a learning process now to own my Adulthood.
In my vision, as I pushed open the unlocked jail cell door and stepping through the threshold to open my arms to my child-self and the key, I could hear and feel the swoosh of expansive air going through me. Like standing on an edge of a great expansive vista in Nature and feeling the freedom in every cell of my body and being.
I hope to begin offering what I have begun to learn for myself through these months after Tibet. The post-partum depression, growing pains and excitement of recognizing the wonder and awe the child-self within me shares and delights in my life,
To Life, rebirth, reinventing and reinvesting in it All!
Guge Kingdom, Far Western Tibet. photo Donna M. Ferris
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