As I returned home still filled with such great bliss and joy, I wondered what my life will now be like in this rebirth aspect. I saw through my meditations that I had still up to that point in my life, to a large degree, been operating from a child’s point of view in my decision making, discipline and emotional ranges. This is not to say that the adult within me didn’t come out when I really needed her, which she did often, but I was feeling that upon my return a lot of the other “stuff” or baggage had gone away and I was left with the really sticky, strong held beliefs within myself that I needed to address. And only an “adult” version of myself could handle this dismantlement.
I saw within myself a vision, an illustration of what my Soul was trying to communicate with me. I saw a child version of myself holding a key and standing in front of a jail cell with the adult me standing inside the cell. The child-me holds the key up and shows the adult me inside the cell the key. In the vision, I put my hands on the prison cell door and it opens. It was never locked. I had, for whatever reasons, needed or assumed that I had been locked away by my child-self. Yet, it was my own adult-self who had locked herself away and blaming the child.
The child-self me, was so tired of carrying the load for so long for the adult parts of myself. Yes, she carried the key. She kept it safe and visible until I as an adult woman could recognize what was going on. Better said, I “began” to see and appreciate what was going on. It is a learning process now to own my Adulthood.
In my vision, as I pushed open the unlocked jail cell door and stepping through the threshold to open my arms to my child-self and the key, I could hear and feel the swoosh of expansive air going through me. Like standing on an edge of a great expansive vista in Nature and feeling the freedom in every cell of my body and being.
I hope to begin offering what I have begun to learn for myself through these months after Tibet. The post-partum depression, growing pains and excitement of recognizing the wonder and awe the child-self within me shares and delights in my life,
To Life, rebirth, reinventing and reinvesting in it All!